Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
sarcasm needs its own font
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
