he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
