why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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