she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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