I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
