So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
