please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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