i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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