I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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