am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
