This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
