i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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