Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
