well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
