I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize