it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
