I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
