Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
