I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
