Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize