In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
