it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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