May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
