I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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