So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
