The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
