just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
