I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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