so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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