I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
