Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
