i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
