So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
