I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
