Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
