Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
