well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
