I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
