How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
