Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
