I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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