so explain again why im purple
no
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
