my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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