I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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