I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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