My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
