he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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