Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
