Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
