My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
