dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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