I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
