Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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