the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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