Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
