There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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