as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
