how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize