So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's rum buckets o'clock
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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