I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
