Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
