Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
