new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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