Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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