Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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