is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
