Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
