so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
