You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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